Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Tuesday's Insecurities Revealed

I am insecure. Very insecure. When I worked at my prior job for 22 years, making great money, having insane responsibilities, managing teams of people on four continents and making split second decisions, I secretly thought that it was just a matter of time when someone would say, "What is she doing here?" "Off with her head!" "Out the door she goes!"

In my mind, I felt as though I did not belong and soon I would be discovered as a fraud and then completely become exposed to the shame of the scam.

It never happened. But gosh I felt is was always lurking right behind the next door.

One day, not to long ago, I think I caught some diddy on TV about Betty White in which she shared said she too, was just waiting to be discovered that as incompetent and out of a job.

So I began to wonder...Do we as women feel this insecurity because we work in a man's world? Because we are women who play by man's rules? Would it be different if we were nurtured by women in a women's world?

Am I alone on this one, Ladies, or do I have a few sisters out there that and commiserate with me?

12 comments:

Nurse Nancy said...

I am so with you....I feel like I am always waiting for the "other shoe to drop." I had one work situation like you described and felt my moment coming, so I changed careers and have never been happier!

Tammy said...

If I over think things, which I have a tendency to, I don't understand why people like me. I don't think there is anything special about me, I don't feel like I stand out in a crowd.

But I try very hard not to think those things too often, especially while looking for a job when I have to convince people I am special. Gah!

You are not alone!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

waves... I am so with you.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

trying to add me to the list blogger is not cooperating... try number two

TSannie said...

Know what you mean.

Jamie Payne said...

I think as a woman's role has evolved from homemaker to homemaker/moneymaker we've put a lot of pressure on ourselves to prove our worth.

Daryl said...

I think that if you werent good at what you were doing you'd have been out of work early on. 22 yrs .. I dont think even civil service jobs keep losers 22 yrs ...

I think maybe you need a new mirror, one that lets you see how we see you .. strong, resilient and a fabulous artist.

Jann said...

Deb, I haven't worked for ages but I totally agree and have experienced working in a 'man's world' many times in the past. What a shame we can't embrace and feel strong in our abilities regardless of our gender.

diane said...

Deb~
Yes! I have them! And, I do believe men have them as well. I believe we all want to belong and be appreciated in the life we live in.
Some days I think....they are going to realize I am not an artist. I just call myself one. And, then I wake up and say....that is pure rubbish!
The same thing at my full time job, as I am an Investment Officer for Harris County~how did I get here?
I must say, I have been blessed, and every day I do not take it for granted. I choose to accept it and count my blessings.
This life is but a blink of an eye.....
diane
xoxox

Sue said...

I haven't worked in the corporate world for years and back then I didn't feel that way but it's another world today...Although my daughter who has the same career as my SIL can run rings around him....she is far beyond him in skills and brains...

Diane said...

I'm not sure it's gender related. But I struggle as a pleaser that I'm not good enough at my job and sooner or later, they will figure it out. Ack.

Thoughts on Life and Millinery. said...

From articles I have read about men on the subject: Most of them feel the same way, if they are the least bit introspective.

A bit different observation: When I worked as a college librarian, male students would come up to the reference desk to tell me that the computer they were using wasn't working correctly.

Female students would come up to say that they must have done something wrong because the computer wasn't working.

Upshot: I no longer ever report a problem by suggesting that perhaps I did something wrong to cause it!